And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
