Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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