So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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