Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
