I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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