You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
