I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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