I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
