i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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