I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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