So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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