i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
