am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
