Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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