I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I won't apologize to a one balled man
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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