Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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