You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
third nipple confirmed
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
