You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
