oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
