coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
