he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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