I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize