i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
