It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
