Ketchup is God's man juice
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
