thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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