I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
