I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
