I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
