My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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