FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
