You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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