If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
