do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
