it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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