I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
