Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
