Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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