We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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