Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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