dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
