oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I need to stop coming to work sober
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
handjob tips. give me some.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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