No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dear god my vagina.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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