just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
