My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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