i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
