you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
