Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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