We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
