chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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