I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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