I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize