so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
