he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize