i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
