He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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