if only i could text you this smell
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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