So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
