Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
