were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Bang-toberfest begins!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My bed smells like the plague
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
