i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
