you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
