the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
