Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
