Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The best revenge is premature balding
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
