everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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