The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
