i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize