I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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